The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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