my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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