you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
