I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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