Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
