awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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