Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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