I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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