Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
