I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
