Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
