She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize