Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
