I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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