I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
