I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize