its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
