we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
