**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
