sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
