I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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