He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
