that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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