Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
They left me at home... I'm a liability
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
