bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
