her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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