I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
