Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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