Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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