Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
