you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
