the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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