I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
