I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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