they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
