I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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