I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
