please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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