If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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