She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
