"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
