I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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