Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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