If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
