sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
