these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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