what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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