Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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