I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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