I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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