he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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