she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
