Will you blow on my dice?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
