we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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