After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
