I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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