I have demons in me.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize