I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I wear drunk well.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize