I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
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