what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
