we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize