so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize
