I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
