The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
