mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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