I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
